At this unholy hour of the night, I wonder who hears me speak. At this time when the world bids its’ loved ones goodnight, I wonder who shares my thoughts. Someone? Anyone? Everyone? No one. My deepest fear…that I would be lone wolf, the soloist on the violin, tugging apathetically at the strings of life.
The world whooshes by, the days speed past me; I am unaware of the season nor the date nor the time. Salt has no taste in my mouth; neither do the issues of life. I feel motion; regression. I see value; depreciation. I weigh standards; reduction.
Everyone is in a hurry to get nowhere, willing to compromise to attain nothing. Who stops to smell the roses? Emotions are for the weak. Well where have all the failed attempts at being strong gotten us? But then again can you blame us?
We have been forsaken by everything we have known and believed. There’s no space for the sinners in the church anymore. Only the “righteous” and “holy” are welcome into the house of God now. Love has become an item for the auctioneers; the highest bidder claims the prize. I have bills to pay, you’re talking love. My nigga please have a seat…
Trust and friendship…lol…you’re speaking English! We’re looking for a way to get ahead faster than our brothers and you’re here talking trust and friendship. Hospitality and warmth…hahahahahahaha…I humor myself don’t I?! Utter gibberish! Fine! Just to say we did it, come, let me treat you like you’re begging me for the impossible and then make you pay with every single drop of blood in your body. Satisfied now? After all, you asked for it.
The madness and chaos is unbelievable; people fussing and fighting over absolutely nothing. And when you take a moment to block out all the sounds and just observe, you cannot help but burst into laughter; mind blowing stupidity. Then when your sides begin to ache, the magnitude of the nothingness we constantly chase hits you…the laughter turns into tears.
Weep, wail, mourn! For we are indeed a troubled and directionless lot. Every day, I make conscious efforts to maintain an appreciable level of sadness and insanity for this is the only way I can survive in this funny apparition called life.
Time passes by, I am still unaware. The days are woe unto me, I always crave the night when I can enjoy the peace of dead. But even at that, my mind continues to wander, wondering where we went wrong and if we can ever get back.