Mine (6)

“Hoooooooooo!!!!” Yvonne screamed as I walked in. My hair was a mess, I looked almost disoriented, and I could barely keep myself on my feet. I wobbled to the bed, threw my shoes off, and then wobbled into the shower. I stood there with my hands against the wall as the warm water poured on me. I did not even have time to protect my hair with a shower cap. What had just happened? What did I just do? Oh dear! I was screwed! so screwed! David would probably never speak to me again. He’d think I was some cheap slut. How could I have let go! I wanted to cry, but I couldn’t. I had asked for it after all, edging him on each time, making him think he had a chance with me. But he did, and I wanted him to. He was almost perfect, but I was too eager. I had really messed up this time; really really messed up. I punched the wall several times until I saw blood on my palms. This time, the tears came out. It was like the pain finally unlocked the tears. This wasn’t my first time; but I just did not want to remember the first time. He wasn’t like David, he was much younger. But he had lied to me, and I fell for it. I still hadn’t recovered from the shame. It had been almost two years now, but the wound was still very fresh. I blamed myself for being too foolish, and I had promised not to… But then David came, and it didn’t even take a week. I scrubbed my body vigorously, as if I was trying to scrub the memories from the previous night away from my mind.

Yvonne hugged me tightly when I got back into the room, and I cried in her arms. She was no longer laughing, she was truly sorry. “Don’t be too hard on yourself”, she whispered, “Who says this time will be like the first?” I cried louder and harder, until I started shaking. Yvonne gave me some medication to help calm me down. As seconds passed, my worries seemed to lazily fall out of my hands. I soon drifted off into a very deep sleep…

When I opened my eyes, it was dark, except for the bedside lamp on the farther side of the bed. I ran my hand over my face, and by the time I reopened my eyes, it was off. Was I dreaming? Was I hallucinating? I tried moving, but no part of my body seemed to be responding. What in God’s name had Yvonne given me? “Calm down. Relax, you’ll be fine”. I couldn’t believe my ears; why was he here? Why was he here? Why was he here? Why??? “L-l-l-l-l….” The words wouldn’t come out. “Relax”, he whispered again. I really couldn’t do anything contrary to what he said, so I just closed my eyes and went back to sleep.

The door opened some time later, and Yvonne came in, looking all dressed up. I sat up, finally being able to do so. “You went out?” I asked. “Yes. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to be selfish, but I had already arranged to meet up with a friend who came from out of town. And by the time you got back, it was too late to cancel.” “It’s fine…what time did you leave again?” I asked nervously. “About 7:30 cos we were to meet for 8 pm”. I looked at the time, it was past 10. He was here…David was here… “Are you okay Stacy?” “Yes. Yes, I am.” I forced a smile. “Still worked up about this afternoon?” I shook my head. “How do you feel now?” she asked. I nodded, and went to use the bathroom. He was here, in this room, in my bed. How? I shut my eyes tightly, missing the stray teardrop by a split second. I just wanted to go back to school, and forget all this had ever happened. I had not planned for this, I had definitely not planned for this.

I went back to bed that night, trying not to think about anything that had happened. The morning would reveal the circumstances, and our options, and in due course, everything would sort itself out. I was not ready to deal with all this; so not ready…

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